Toxic Apples.

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Do you ever wonder what is the point of having a “smoke section” in a restaurant? Isn’t that like having a peeing section in a pool? It doesn’t make sense because the smoke from the smoking section ruins the air in the non-smoking section. The same goes for the “clean” water in the pool. Isn’t it ironic how one small food stain can ruin an entire outfit? In the same manner, a toxic apple in your circle can ruin everyone in it.

You probably have toxic apples in your life. Those people that belittle every single thing you do or say. You know those people? You speak about an accomplishment, they have one ten times better. It’s almost like they took that old “anything you can do I can do better” song to heart. They feel the need to trump any and everything that you do. Toxic apples are the rain cloud on your parade. It doesn’t matter how happy you are or how good an opportunity or situation is, they find something wrong with it. You find the perfect partner for you, they start digging for flaws. You’ve been offered an amazing job, they tell you why you’re not qualified or why that job isn’t for you.

A tree is only as solid and fruitful as its roots. A bad tree can’t grow good fruit. You always reap what you sow, but that toxic apple in your circle is planting weeds instead of fruitful crops in your life. They plant seeds of doubt, uncertainty, paranoia and fear. Much like a vine that strangles the life out of trees, they attach pain to your happiness and uneasiness to your certainty.

Boa constrictors, large snakes, don’t kill their victims with venom like other snakes. They take a much more subtle but effective approach. Boa constrictors slowly wrap themselves around their victim until they have a good grip. Then slowly by slowly, every time the victim breathes in, the boa tightens its grip more and more until finally the victim suffocates and dies. Toxic apples do the same thing. Little by little they suffocate your goals, block your vision and kill your dreams. They’re a negative force to your life. They’re effective at stopping your progress because they spent their whole life stopping their own. They’re experts at killing progress and they don’t want you to succeed because they never did. They don’t want you to live your dreams because they’re a failure at theirs.

Have you ever been in snow or cold weather? You can actually adjust to the snow and the ice but what really makes you freeze is that cold wind. That wind that you don’t see does the most damage as it rips across your face, fingers, head and ears. Toxic apples offer that arctic wind level of hate. That cold hate, that dry hate, that hate that you don’t see but it does the most damage. You often don’t recognize it because they don’t come at you with the hate but rather reinforce doubt in your mind. They offer “helpful” opinions on why you can’t or shouldn’t do something. Their goal is to make you question yourself so you can ultimately kill you own dream just as they have done.

Toxic apples are vampires that suck the positive energy and life out of any situation. When you celebrate how far you have risen, they remind you how much further you have to go. They downplay your accomplishments and instead of blood, they seek to suck every bit of hope from your life until you’re as lifeless and bitter as they are. Toxic apples view everything as a competition, in the worst way. Every achievement of yours has to be out done. And every good news for you has to be outdone with a headline for them. Sooner or later you will quit sharing your dreams with toxic apples because subconsciously you know they hate it, however, if you allow them to hang around, their influence is still going to affect you.

That’s why you must beware of the company you keep. Toxic apples will always hold you back. Surround yourself with like-minded positive individuals who improve themselves daily and is striving for their success. Letting go of toxic people in your life is the biggest step in loving yourself and thinking of your future.

Check out my similar blog: “Discipline and Your Company” http://howyouliving.net/2013/08/25/discipline-and-your-company/

10 Important Relationship Reminders For The Fellas.

by Jeremy Michaels

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1. Don’t get so comfortable that you stop pursuing her. Smart men never stop making their woman feel wanted. A man who continues to pursue his woman when he already has her, keeps her.

2. Don’t forget to make her smile a priority to you. The man who works for her smile, earns and keeps her heart.

3. Keep your word. A consistent man is a worthy one. Trust is one of the main foundations to a strong healthy relationship.

4. Don’t try to manipulate situations. Be man enough to admit when you’re wrong, be strong enough to make it right.

5. Don’t make her feel like she’s competing for your time. Make sure she knows she’s valuable to you. It’s never about having time, it’s about making time. Effort is everything.

6. Don’t get lazy. There’s always somebody else that wants what you have. Protect your treasure with your love, appreciation and effort. Don’t get lazy in making her happy, protected, secured, satisfied, pleased and appreciated.

7. Don’t judge. Everyone makes mistakes and learns from them. Don’t judge her mistakes or her past. And most importantly don’t judge her ways of being just because you’re different or think differently. Enjoy her for who she is or leave her alone. Acceptance is key.

8. Don’t assume she knows you care. Show her love, support and care every chance you get. Write letters, send flowers, give massages, listen to her, give her feedback, give her compliments, etc. Show love by both your actions and words and get creative.

9. Don’t stop doing the little things. Be romantic, be spontaneous, be her outlet. Don’t become predictable. Think about what’s most important.

10. Don’t give up so easily. When a real man wants something, he does what he has to do to get it and keep it. Only if she’s worth the effort and time.

Making A Long Distance Relationship Work.

by Jeremy Michaels

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Staying connected to the one you love can be a challenge in any relationship. In a long distance relationship especially when days, weeks and even months go by between visits and there is no consistent personal interaction and physical vibe. Although the distance that separates you from your significant other can make things difficult, successful long distance relationships can and do exist. Distance doesn’t ruin a relationship, doubt does. If you can’t handle long distance love, you can’t handle love, period.

Here are 4 tips you can use to keep your long distance relationship strong and working:

1 – Build trust with your partner. Just like any other relationship trust is the main foundation to make it work. Just because you don’t physically see your partner as often doesn’t mean you should entertain doubt and ideas of mistrust. Remember, if there’s no indication or evidence of cheating, it is probably not happening.

2 – Visit and spend time with your partner as often as you can. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have are history, memories, potential and hope. Consistently making the effort to see your partner and spend time with them shows your love and true intention. Just like any other relationship, spoiling your partner with your time is the most valuable thing to keep a relationship strong.

3 – Communicate in some way, everyday. The quality and quantity of communication with your partner will need to increase substantially when you’re in a long distance relationship. It’s important you maintain an emotional connection through phone calls, facetime, e-mails, texts, letters, greeting cards and any other romantic messages to keep pure romance burning.

4 – Share great memories with your partner as often as you can. Besides trust, time and communication to make a strong long distance relationship work, great memories with your partner is very important. It’s like the fuel to your long distance relationship to keep you interested and happy.

A long distance relationship is no different than any other relationship – they both require time, effort, communication, trust, good memories and patience. Similar to cell phones – long distance works with the right plan.

Multiply or Divide? (Relationship Coaching)

by Jeremy Michaels

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In life we seek to be a part of relationships with people. But how often do we seek a relationship to multiply, add to, and enhance the life of another?

Often we seek relationships in order to gain something; however, the problem arises when the gain is for an improper motivation. Improper motivation can be anything from money, sex, business etc. and/or anything that consists of beneficial selfish motives and intentions. We should seek a dissimilar positive loving approach to relationships. Keep in mind when I speak of relationships I am taking about all types of “relationships” from business relationships to friendships to intimate lovers.

Some of us begin “the process of being acquainted with” like “seeking a job.” The male or female submits their resume. They go through the resume looking at how much money you make, what can you offer or bring to the table, etc. Then the interview process consists of only asking questions that are designed to locate “red flags.” A somewhat applicable process, but do you know where the quandary occurs in this process? The quandary occurs when the resume reader fails to reveal anything about themselves.

You can’t ask anyone to put their baggage on the table while remaining unwilling to do the same. As I often say, “Always first do or give what you seek from another.” Who are we to think we are above anyone, such as when we subject people to such privation because of our deep rooted past pain or unresolved issues? We always hear some say, “He or she is not for me”, well maybe you were not for them either. We have to learn relationships are about “transparency” and walking as someone who is transparent. Transparency is defined whether you are willing to be honest in either in deed and words before you begin the “getting to know process.”

Do you multiply or divide in relationships? Multiply is defined as to make many or manifold; increase the number, quantity. Divide is defined as to separate or part from something else; cut off.” Another definition says, ” to separate in opinion or feeling, cause to disagree.

Before we consider that man, woman, friendship, or business partnership we must consider whether we multiply or divide? Put simply, you must ask yourself, “Will I divide, subtract, or burden the life of this person?” Sadly, some of us don’t consider these things. We tend to only consider what we crave materially, emotionally, or physically. We should always ask those questions of ourselves to measure our motivation for wanting the relationship.

Personally before I decide to be in a relationship I ask myself those very questions. It’s very important to me to facilitate a glorious union. I ask myself how I can love her? How can I enhance and add depth to her life? How can I help her goals and purpose? Am I able to be a dependable loyal friend to this person? Am I in good intention to continue business with this person? What is the goal and purpose of this relationship? How can I help inspire her/him to a deeper level?

Relationships can be a great asset or a burden. We should all seek to cultivate positive relationships based on oneness, accord, unity, and team. Let’s all walk together and perform CPR, breathing life into someone by multiplying their life in some way.

Positive mind. Positive vibe. Positive life.

All or Nothing.

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Getting together is the easy part, it’s staying together that is tough. We’re in the “everything is disposable” generation. If we don’t like it, we replace it. If it’s broke, we throw it out. If it’s too hard, we quit on it. We need more fixers, more builders, more people who understands the beauty in imperfection. We don’t appreciate what’s easy, that’s why the love we work for is the only love that lasts.

You can’t just microwave infatuation and call it love. You can try to skip steps in the process, just don’t get mad when what you get isn’t all you thought it was promised to be. Be willing to work for it. All or nothing.

5 Signs She Has Daddy Issues. (for the fellas)

by Jeremy Michaels

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A girls first love is her father. Daddy teaches her how to love, how to be loved, how to respect herself,  how to spot the players and jerks from afar and recognize what a real man is. In certain cases, where a woman’s father was absent from her life or was not emotionally available, there are chances of her seeking attention from random men in order to compensate for the attention she may not have received from her father. In other words, she has “daddy issues.”

Whether her daddy issues are actually the result of her relationship with her father or whether “daddy issues” is just the label society has chosen to attach to this kind of behavior, these issues can plague a young girl into adulthood and negatively impact her romantic relationships.

While a woman may seem to have it all together at first glance, here are 5 characteristics women with daddy issues display:

1 – She’s promiscuous and sexually aggressive. Most fathers teach their daughters to respect themselves and their bodies, so if he was never around to give this advice, she may not value sex and use it simply as a process to gain the attention she lacked as a young girl. No decent girl is used to putting out to guys she doesn’t have a connection with, so if her sexy signals and flirting are overly aggressive, she’s grinding and groping up against you in public, attempts to drag you into her bedroom on the first date, and uses the phrase “It’s just sex,” she may have daddy issues.

2 –  She’s a serial dater. A woman with daddy issues can’t remain single very long because she’s constantly looking for the attention of a man to fill her father’s shoes. She moves from boyfriend to boyfriend because being alone is her greatest fear. Unfortunately, a woman like this will only attract the type of men that are only interested in sex and will disappoint her, leaving her in a constant cycle of emptiness.

3 – She exclusively dates older men. Since she has yearned for a father-figure as a child, a woman with daddy issues may grow up into a woman who is solely attracted to older men. She looks to these men to care for and provide for her in order to feel a sense of security, just as a father would.

4 – She’s extremely clingy. Every woman wants care and assurance from her partner. But a girl with daddy issues wants those things in excess. Thinking every man is capable of leaving like her father did, she may be a bit too jealous and clingy to the point where she will try to hold on to a man that much harder. She’ll need to know where you’re going at all times and will begin to feel restless and angry if you are late contacting her. This type of woman feels like she deserves your attention at all times and may throw a fit whenever you make plans without her.

5 – She constantly questions your feelings for her. Due to previous disappointments and painful experiences with men and/or her father, a woman with daddy issues is a psychologically unstable individual who’s grown up expecting the worst from men. This type of woman needs constant reassurance that you are still there and haven’t dumped her. She has low self-esteem, has great difficulty trusting men and seeks frequent reassurance of love or affection. She gets emotionally attached very early on, demands to analyze everything about your relationship and if she doesn’t see you wearing the shirt she bought you two weeks ago, she’ll think that you don’t care about her anymore.

In closing:

  • Fellas, if you’re interested in a serious relationship with a girl like this, your strategy should be to to confront her about her issues and take things slow. Tell her you want to slow down and get to know her before heading straight to the bedroom. Make plans for a future dates and show her you’re interested in more than just sex and she won’t feel quite as desperate to put out as fast. Show her the reliable, attentive and caring guy you are, and the positive attention from you will likely offset the negative attention she’s been seeking from jerks.

Preparation Is The Key To Finding Love.

by Jeremy Michaels

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A reader asked me for advice on how to look for love, trying to meet people and dating.

The “looking for love” part of life is definitely trying, and I have to admit I’m no dating expert. Though I have a lot of dating and relationship advice, there is something I’ve learned from experience. And that is that people must learn, experience and live their life the way they choose and reflect and make wise decisions for their situations and life obstacles.

My simple advice on those looking for love is to prepare for it. Here’s the thing: you can put yourself out there, but you don’t know if you’ll find anyone soon, or who that will be. It’s unknowable, and uncontrollable, and uncertain. Those are roadblocks in the mind, and if you have some ideal of a handsome prince or swoon-worthy princess coming along and falling into your lap, you’ll not only be greatly disappointed, you’ll be unprepared for when a good one does come your way.

So be prepared. Here’s what I’d suggest:

  • Get good at uncertainty: There’s no guarantee of anything, and honestly it would be no fun if there were guarantees. Whether you find anyone to date you is unknown, and whether the person you just started dating is the right fit for you is also unknown. So prepare by becoming good with uncertainty, by practicing it a lot. Do things that have uncertain outcomes, like starting a business or traveling cheaply with no set plans or making it a goal to talk to strangers every day. You’ll get much better at it with constant practice.
  • Let go of your ideals: You probably have some ideal of who you’re looking for — I know people who have made a “man board” with all of their ideal characteristics, or an “ideal woman” list with a laundry list of how she’ll look and what she’ll be good at. Good luck with that. You’re just making it harder on yourself if you need to find the perfect person who not only meets all these ideals, but has the right chemistry and likes you. Never limit your options on finding a good man/woman this way. Instead, practice letting go of your ideals and being open to what emerges. Be curious instead of certain.
  • Become emotionally self-sufficient: Instead of hoping that some other person will come along and meet all of your emotional needs, learn to take care of them yourself. You need nothing than what you already have, sitting right where you are now.
  • Do interesting things: Explore the world. Start something cool. Go on adventures. Learn new skills and languages. Build stuff. Write things. Do things that are different than most. Challenge yourself. Scare yourself. Not only will you become a more interesting person, you’ll have fun, become better at self-sufficiency and uncertainty, and have a few good stories to tell your future mate.
  • Get your health & finances in order: Who wants to date a loser? Not you, and not your future spouse. So start exercising, and get fit. Start saving and investing and eliminate your debt. And be awesome.

If you do most of the things on this list, you’ll be pretty prepared for when love knocks you over and flattens you.

Don’t Heartbreak Yourself.

by Jeremy Michaels

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Never ignore the things you can’t cut off. Especially when it comes to your heart, your feelings, and your thoughts. At times emotions can be annoying, but trust that they’re there to better you, not to irritate you. However, don’t make emotionally based decisions. Use your brain more than your heart when it comes to your decision making. Don’t dismiss your gut feelings, allow your intelligence to support your intuition. Avoiding the truth may seem like the safe option but it’s actually the option you choose when you want to meet disappointment. When you have that feeling you just can’t ignore, listen to it.

It could be nothing or it could be the answer to some important unanswered questions. If you don’t trust your intuition you’ll never be able to guard your heart properly. Seek the truth only if you’re prepared to accept what you find. When you notice yourself ignoring facts just to save a situation, you’ve just volunteered to get played. When your brain tells you it’s time to go, be smart and leave. You can’t keep making excuses for people and exceptions for their actions. Some people just don’t care to show effort. You have to be strong enough to handle the truth. And you can’t always stop it from hurting you but you can refuse to let it break you. Use the pain for your progress, the tears for your triumph, and the struggle for your success. Save yourself some time; don’t ignore the obvious things, they’re right in front of your face for a reason. Don’t heartbreak yourself.

5 Signs of a Damaged Man. (for the ladies)

by Jeremy Michaels

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Men aren’t often considered when it comes to being emotionally abused in relationships, because usually they are the abusers. However, a lot of men have been hurt by women in the past and carry psychological damage and unresolved anger into their new relationships. These problems prevent them from forming healthy relationships and drives the women in their lives out the door and heartbroken themselves.

Here are 5 signs that he’s an emotionally damaged man:

1 – He’s brokenhearted. He claims his ex was a big bitch and/or cheated on him. He hasn’t gotten over the fact she broke his heart and he holds what she did against every other woman he dates in subtle ways.

2 – He has a big wall up and avoids sharing his emotions. He’s afraid of believing things can actually be good, despite having all the urges to be in a normal healthy relationship, as everything in the past has made him believe this isn’t possible. He holds back on his emotions and relives painful events from the past in ways that negatively affects his present relationships.

3 – He’s a woman hater. He is extremely angry at women and blame them for all of his problems, similar how women do towards men. He unfairly labels all or most women as “cheaters”, “liars”, “hoes” and/or “skanks” without realizing that it is his own willingness to compromise along with making poor choices in women in the past that has led to such labeling.

4 – He engages in emotionless sex. His intentions is to only engage in non-committal, no-strings-attached sex with women. He’s inattentive and emotionless in the sack.

5 – He questions your thoughtful actions. Every man likes to think that when he goes out of his way to be thoughtful, it will be appreciated. But when it comes to hurt men, when a woman goes out of her way to do something nice and special, her thoughtfulness is interpreted as trying to make amends for something she has done against him.

70 Ways To Be Romantic.

by Jeremy Michaels

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There are inexpensive ways to be romantic, and it will pay off for your relationship in many ways.

Why inexpensive? Well, you could rent a limo and take your lover to a 5-star French restaurant and afterward take them to a trip to the snow-capped Alps, or rent a stadium and have a famous celebrity sing for them, but more doesn’t equal happiness. Inexpensive equals simple and romantic dates should be simple and more focused on the love and connection between you and your partner. And I don’t know about you, but the average person can’t even afford a expensive date more than once a month in this economy. It’s best to resort to simplicity and romance.

Before I get into the list, read below on how to use the list:

  • Weekly dates: I recommend you have a simple date at least once a week with your partner. Remember, it doesn’t have to be an expensive one, but at least find some way to spend a couple hours time together.
  • Communicate: Romantic gestures don’t take the place of real communication. Take time to talk about your goals, your dreams, your future plans, your current lives, things you’re happy and unhappy about, things you love about each other, things you’d like to work on, things you’re grateful for, and life itself.
  • Inspiration: This list below on ways to be romantic on a budget contains a lot of obvious stuff. You could probably come up with twice as many good ideas yourself. But the list doesn’t aim for originality, it aims to be an inspiration. Pick and choose some good ideas, or use it to spark some of your own. Sometimes we just need a little reminder.
  • Forget Valentines Day: Boycott Valentines Day, as it makes people think they should be romantic on special occasions. Instead, pick one of these ideas and do it any day of the week or weekend. There’s no need for a special day or occasion to celebrate your love for your partner.

Here Are… 70 Ways To Be Romantic:

1 – Cook a romantic candle-light dinner.
2 – Set up a romantic candle-light scented bath for your partner.
3 – Give a full body massage.
4 – Breakfast in bed.
5 – Chocolates and wine on a random day.
6 – Leave random little love notes everywhere.
7 – Take a bubble bath together.
8 – Pick wildflowers on the way home.
9 – Write a love poem to your partner.
10 – Write a old fashioned love letter to your partner and mail it. Be romantic, creative and have fun with it.
11 – Have a picnic during sunset.
12 – Snuggle together on a rainy day.
13 – Kiss in the rain.
14 – Take a moonlit walk on the beach.
15 – Ride a ferris wheel together.
16 – Take a nap together.
17 – Listen and slow dance to romantic music together.
18 – Snuggle and watch romantic movies together.
19 – Read love poetry together.
20 – Make a scrapbook with photos and notes of memories together.
21 – Make romantic good morning/goodnight phone calls/text messages.
22 – Make a list of everything you like about your partner and give it to them.
23 – Do something random to make your partner smile and happy.
24 – Write “I love you” with the steam on the bathroom mirror after you shower so your partner can see it.
25 – Take a walk down memory lane – visit some of the special places from your early days of dating.
26 – Feed each other grapes, peaches and cream and/or strawberries.
27 – Groom yourself and look physically good for your partner everyday.
28 – Make time for quality time together to do whatever you and your partner pleases to do.
29 – Go to the movies, ignore the movie and make-out like teenagers.
30 – Recreate your partner’s favorite romantic movie scene.
31 – Make a love song playlist that’s meaningful to your relationship.
32 – Make a love song playlist for your sex life.
33 – Be humorous and make your partner laugh.
34 – Surprise him/her with a meaningful gift of their interest.
35 – Give your partner a pedicure and foot rub.
36 – Paint each other with flavored body paint. Be creative.
37 – Go rock climbing together and help each other make it to the top.
38 – Swim together.
39 – When your partner least expects it, give them a compliment, a big kiss, a strong hug, take them to a romantic setting, etc.
40 – King of the day / Queen of the day. Declare that you will dedicate a particular day to your partner to do whatever they want.
41 – Make videos together.
42 – Create romantic communication codes for each other so nobody knows what you guys are talking about.
43 – Hot tub or jacuzzi with your partner with wine.
44 – Do a blindfold surprise for your partner in a romantic setting.
45 – Invent a dinner meal and name it after him/her.
46 – Rose petals on the floor.
47 – Make a romantic love collage and have it printed on a card.
48 – Buy each other underwear, lingerie, etc. with love messages on it.
49 – “Pretend” you’re going on a first date with your partner. Show up at the door with flowers, dressed up, and recreate how you guys started.
50 – Sing a favorite love song to your partner. Only attempt this if you can sing fairly well.
51 – Try some sexy role-playing. Play truth or dare, get dressed up, have fun.
52 – Say I love you, in a different way, everyday.
53 – Blindfold your partner. Use a feather. Slowly and gentle.
54 – Fall asleep on the phone together.
55 – Dress each other, then undress each other.
56 – Be close and intimate: Hold hands. whisper to each other, etc.
57 – Take showers together.
58 – Use incense, candles, oils, silks, black lights to create the mood.
59 – Learn to say “I love you” or other sweet romantic messages in a foreign language.
60 – Take an interest in your partner’s interests. For a woman it might be watching a football game with your man. And for men it might be going to see a chick-flick. Do it with a spirit of enthusiasm and love. Have fun.
61 – Look in each other’s eyes.
62 – Skinny dip with each other.
63 – Consistently flirt with each other.
64 – Pray together.
65 – Go hiking and camp out together.
66 – Make sacrifices for each other.
67 – Tell each other your most sacred secrets and fears.
68 – Do a romantic drawing for your partner if you can draw/paint.
69 – Act out mutual fantasies together.
70 – One word – foreplay.