by Jeremy Michaels
Sometimes all she or he wants is a hug, a kiss and to feel your presence. When you fall in love with someone, it’s natural to want to shower them with love and affection. But you should never want to overdo it. There is a difference between loving someone and smothering them. I will never sit here and say that too much love is a bad thing. And you can’t make your partner hate you just because you love them a lot. But you can definitely make your partner dislike you when you start smothering them. To many people out there, smothering love is nothing but an overindulgence of affection. You may think smothering excessive love is a true sign of your love for a special someone. But in reality, smothering is a selfish act. You don’t smother your partner because of love. You smother someone with affection because you crave for their affection, you want their attention, or probably because you may want to help them with their troubles, or you may want to protect them.
But are you doing it because you think it’ll make your lover feel better? Probably not. Almost all the time, you may be smothering your partner for selfish reasons, either to reaffirm your relationship status or to feel better about yourself as a perfect example of a loving partner. You may even be forcing them to love you in a way that is unnatural to them. Your smothering can be translated as overprotective or even a lack of trust.
Love, but don’t smother.
There’s a thin line between showing affection and smothering someone. You may not want to smother affection on your partner, but have you ever felt like your partner tries to push you away or looks for excuses to get away from you now and then? You may just be an unintentional smothering lover. Firstly, expressing love and smothering affection is relative and subjective. What’s smothering to one partner could be unaffectionate to another. When you take time to fall in love slowly with each other, these are little things both of you can learn about each other and each other’s expectations when it comes to affection. If you feel like you’re smothering your partner or if your partner ever tells you they need space, here are some things you need to do to take the stress off the relationship.
- Don’t use love to control them. It is important that you do not expect to be loved a certain way. We are all different and have different ways of expression. Be at peace with your partners way. Love needs time to bloom. Do you say “I love you” often to your sweetheart because you feel like saying it, or is it because you want to hear your lover say it back to you? Don’t use love as an excuse to control your partner because in time, you will push them away. When you shower affection in excess, just to test your lover’s feelings or expect something back in return later, that’s definitely smothering and many find this sickening as it feels like suffocation.
- Give space. Spending time with each other can feel great. But even if you’re having the time of your life in your partner’s arms, learn to back away and give space now and then. You may not realize it, but at times, constantly having you around all the time may end up annoying your partner. The saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder, exists for a reason. Remember that your partner was a person long before you came along.
- Keep it exciting. Be spontaneous, make your partner want more all the time by giving from your heart, not your mind. Be innovative and look for new ways to keep things exciting in love. Instead of forcing your partner to treat you better or like a princess all the time, do something that’ll inevitably make your partner treat you better. Almost always, we ask why our partners have become boring but we don’t realize just how boring we’ve become ourselves. Keep the spark alive, date, invest in your relationship and make each other a priority without burdening one another.
- Don’t be desperate. Can you both sit in silence and experience pleasure? It feels great and you should try it. Can you sit beside your partner for half an hour without craving for their attention? If married; if all you want to do is have sex or a quickie, this may be acceptable at first and even seem fun, especially when both of you are still young in love. But if you find it hard to just spend time quietly around each other, perhaps you’re someone who wants attention all the time and seeking it in the wrong ways. The more you crave for attention, the more your partner would shy away from giving you more attention. And the more your partner avoids giving you attention, the more you’ll start to smother them with affection in the hope of reciprocation. You never want someone to love you out of obligation, so let your partner love you in their own special way. If you force it, this cycle will continue until both of you are confused, annoyed and bitter all of the time.
Be loving, not suffocating…